Unsolicited Advice To My Church:

If you are trying to raise the participation of the 12-18 year old demographic in the bell choir, DO NOT rename it "The Heavenly Ding-Dongs." It is not cute nor funny and everyone thinks it is a stupid name.

'Tis The Season

The weather during December in L.A. is, I must admit, a bit disappointing. First of all, there is no snow of course, but also it is the darkest and dreariest month of the year. We even occasionally get a sprinking of...gasp...RAIN. I know that I have absolutely no room to complain about the weather here when there are people in North Dakota or Saskatchewan (hee hee, my all-time favorite name for a place) or Antarctica who have to dig themselves out every morning of the ten feet of snow they live under. And this, "Oh no it's raining! The world is going to end!" attitude of Los Angelinos (hee hee, my all-time favorite name for a group of people) is exactly what bugs me, and the rest of the world for that matter, the most. No one in L.A. can function rationally (if they are capable of that in the first place) while it is raining. We're just not used to going outside while water falls from the sky, it makes us do crazy things. Case in point: The other day I was driving up through L.A. to Ventura (ok, my Dad was driving...the joys of being home...minor detail). The 405 (which yes, I realize is a perpetual parking lot anyway THANK YOU) was jammed. Why was is jammed you ask? It was early Saturday morning, one of the only times it is safe to assume that this particular freeway might actually be moving due to the fact that most Los Angelinos (hee hee, again) are home asleep and hung over at this particular time of the week and according to the traffic guy there was no accident. In fact, the reason the all-knowing traffic guy gave for the lack of movement was embarrassing. You might be expecting me to say something about how he blamed the massive slowing on the rain. THE RAIN. No, of course not, that would be ridiculous. How could a bit of sprinkly rain, which is really the most L.A. ever gets for more than a few minutes at a time, be to blame for the hundreds of stopped cars on the freeway? No, it was not rain he chose as the scapegoat for this jam because IT WASN'T EVEN RAINING. His exact words (possibly forever emblazoned in my mind) were: "There's lots of slowing on the 405 in both directions with top speeds reaching about 10 mph. Probably caused by the moisture in the air, causes people to slow down a bit." First of all: A BIT? Try STOPPED. And second and yes, most importantly: MOISTURE IN THE AIR?! It wasn't even sprinkling, it was just a little damp. Yes, the air was wet. Should this cause hundreds of normally rational people (again, I'm making a pretty big assumption here) to stop in their tracks and panic? To shake in fear like Bambi in the meadow as they slowed their cars to a screeching halt? WET AIR?! "Oh no! I feel a bit of moisture in the air, this dampness may eventually lead to...eek...sprinkling or...horror of horrors...RAIN! I'd better just call off this whole 'driving' thing because no one would be so insane as to actually attempt moving a vehicle through air this wet." IN SANE.

In other news, my mom is awesome. Tonight we went out to dinner (at Mimi's for French onion soup...her idea, but that is only part of why she is awesome) and I drove the family. My dad and grandma decided to get out to put our name in and while my grandma is toddling away from the car with her cane, my dad sees an open parking spot in the completely full parking lot. He vehemently motions me into the spot apparently not seeing that grandma is right in front of the car. I of course, wait for Grandma...meanwhile Dad is yelling at me to hurry up and take the spot. Just as I'm about as frustrated with him as I can be, I realize that my mom is sitting next to me in the front seat singing, "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer." Hee hee.

Christmas = Family

Today was the last Saturday before Christmas and we all know what that means--well at least those of us in my family do. That means today was the annual Hayes family Christmas party at my aunt's house in Ventura. (You know, Ventura--the county that prides itself on being not quite L.A. and not quite Santa Barbara) I spent the day playing with my cousin's five kids who are just now getting old enough to be fun to play with. Braden, who is four, has decided his new specialty is giving backrubs and believe it or not, he does a pretty good job. I think he is my new favorite. Meanwhile, I learned how to play blackjack from the older two, who are eight and six. I know I come from a gambling family (my aunt takes the Greyhound bus to Laughlin, Reno, Carson City or Vegas--or some combination of those--every other weekend. She's earned enough "frequent gambler points" or whatever they're called to reserve an entire floor of rooms for free at the Golden Nugget in Laughlin.) Even though it should not surprise me that my little cousins can teach me blackjack, it still surprises me that not only can they kick my ass at it but after I finished losing about $500 in fake poker chips, the younger of the two (who is six years old, remember) exclaims, "Sucker! Too bad we aren't playing for real money because you'd have to go home crying!!"

Harsh.

That's ok, my small revenge came a few hours later when I watched her open her present from my aunt Renee (who we all know is infamous for only giving clothes every year--the most boring and dreaded Christmas present possible) that was--surprise!--clothes. She tried her best to hide her utter disappointment as she held up her bright pink crocheted pants and matching (?) tie-dyed sweater. Hee hee hee. Now who's going to go home crying?

Update? Who Me? Never!

I realize that many of you (one person) occasionally (constantly) check this journal to see if it's been updated. Might I point your attention to the very first entry (that I just added to) where it has been clearly stated since Oct. 9 (or so it says) that I may or may not update regularly. So there. But I do remember being vaguely reminded last night while I was more than half asleep that it's been awhile and I must agree. With that said, I will think about updating. That is all.