Please Pull Through To The Next Window

Ok, once and for all, let's get this drive-in church thing settled. Yes, when I was little my parents and I went to drive-in church. No, it was not drive-THROUGH church, we did not go to the In-n-Out of churches. Drive-IN church, is kind of like a drive-in movie, except instead of staring a movie for an hour and a half, you stare at a church. Pretty simple concept. There was a huge lawn behind the church with old men in orange construction vests bedecked with reflective tape guiding you to a parking spot, except in this instance, you weren't just parking, you were there to stay. All you had to do was tune the radio to the right channel and you instantly had a direct line into the audio system inside the church in front of you. The only mandatory contact with people was during the offering when a velvet (only the best for drive-in church attendees) bag on a stick was thrust into the driver side window by one of the aforementioned elderly, neon-orange-clad "ushers". Yes, some people dressed up, even though many did not leave their vehicle. It's a matter of respect you know..... Especially if you wanted to go to coffee hour after church (yes, I see the irony), it was a requirement that in order to interact with the Christian public on Sunday morning, you had to be in your Sunday best. This is probably what started the whole drive-in thing in the first place. I, personally, was not allowed to attend drive-in church. I was required by my parents to exit the car and trek to Sunday school every week to attend class with real-live other students. Children aren't supposed to be reclusive until they're older, I suppose. If you don't believe me about any of this, you are more than welcome to call Tanya's parents as she did when she first heard me recount my drive-in church memories. They also attended the same church, but be forewarned, it will be made quite clear that they "always went inside the church." I'll finish that thought for them: "like normal people."

These Machines Are Made For Walking

My washing machine tried to escape today. We keep it in the dank confines of the garage, so I guess I can see it's point, but I had no idea washing machines could just decide to get up and walk away. Normally the washer and dryer are facing the same direction (as is quite normal) toward the far end of the garage with their backs against the wall. This is the standard configuration I found them in as I put in a load of laundry. However, when I went back down 30 minutes later to put the laundry into the dryer, the washing machine had moved foward between my car and the door and turned 90 degrees away from the dryer, meaning it was now facing the door which it was also partially blocking. My first thought was that someone had been trying to steal the washer but couldn't move it any farther than pulling it out and turning it but I would have heard either the front door or the garage door open. When I finally pushed it away from the door and opened the lid, I noticed all of the clothes were huddled on one side and the other side was completely empty. I realized that with the help of the centripedal force of the unequally weighted machine on the spin cycle, my washing machine had been happily bouncing toward the door but had luckily been restrained by the fact that it was still hooked up by now-contorted hoses to the back wall. It was a good thing the washing machine's delinquent activities only called for escape and not auto theft because it was dangerously close to my parked car and had it decided to turn the other way, would have really messed up the paint job. Try explaining an attack by a renegade washing machine to the insurance company:

"What happened to your car?"
"It was hit by a washing machine."
"Are you sure it wasn't the car that hit the washing machine?"
"No. It was the washing machine's fault. My car was parked."

The washing machine has now been safely returned to its rightful place beside the dryer and barring any further attempts to escape, should remain there for awhile.

Hey, Those Aren't Vegetables!

As if the Atkins people have not capitalized enough in the name of their deceased founder, I would like to propose they are also secretly behind this new product I saw at the grocery store frozen food aisle the other day. There were vegetables on the box but there were no vegetables IN the box. Veggie Tales as it seems, those adorable singing vegetable cartoon characters, have sold out to the Tyson chicken coorporation. What would a company that specializes in frozen chicken want with vegetable cartoon characters, you ask? As models for their new line of chicken nuggets! They now make chicken shaped like vegetables! Now if you tell your kid to eat more vegetables, they have a valid reason to reach for deep-fried fattening morsels of chicken by-product. Don't get me wrong, I love chicken nuggets as much as the next girl, but vegetables they ain't. And people wonder why Americans are unhealthy as a population. Could a mentality capable of passing off chicken as vegetables have something to do with it? I tell you it's all because of the Atkins fad of meat, fat, fat, meat and a bit more fat. Now you can pretend you're biting into a cucumber or tomato without fear of those pesky carbohydrates. Whew, good thing we've all been saved from those fattening vegetables.

Would You Like To Make A.......Comment???

I have a comment section finally!!!! Thank you thank you thank you Kate! Your powers of html deciphering are fabulous! Ok everybody, this is your chance to make yourself known (to me, at least). Now we'll see how many readers I actually have, as opposed to the number I just wish I had. So don't be shy, line right up and comment, comment, comment. (Don't say anything mean though, I might not be able to handle it.) I know you've been just itching to comment on that post I made two months ago, so go ahead, give me some input. I realize that I may sound like I'm pushing for comments, and I will admit that maybe I am, but I love getting them and I've decided that this is my one and only opportunity to unabashadly beg, I swear I'll never do it again. For awhile anyway....

The Ants Go Marching

Yesterday morning as I stumbled downstairs before my 8am Organic Chemistry lecture (yes, a moment of silence for my horrible schedule this quarter would be in order here), I grabbed my huge Price Club sized box of Cheerios from the cupboard and poured myself a big bowl of nourishment with milk partially thanks to Tanya who had bought the milk (thanks Tanya!). I sat at the table, minding my own business and reading "InTouch" magazine (which, coincidentally Tanya also bought, thanks again Tanya!) about the extravagant wedding had by Ryan and Trista ("The Bachelorette" for those of you out of the pop culture loop). After I finished just about the whole bowl, I casually glanced down and was immediately stricken with horror by what I saw. There were ANTS floating in my Cheerios. Lots of them. Some dead and some gasping for life on their tiny makeshift Cheerios life preservers. There was one in particular who seemed to be pleading to be rescued from the milky depths as it flailed its legs wildly. I had eaten ants for breakfast. Lots of ants. Yes, I know, most of you are out there thinking "Well that's one way to get your protein. " Whatever people. YOU are not the one who just ingested an entire colony of DIRTY DIRTY ants. This was even worse than the Chocolate Chip Cookie Incident of '03. (Sorry Dan.) So in the end, all I can say is that unfortunately, through no fault of their own, Cheerios has lost one very loyal customer.