Effective (Yet By No Means "Good") Ways to Learn Japanese

Go to Japan and:

1. break your computer

Why oh why was I eating chicken noodle soup over the keyboard of my laptop while watching 24? I know this will be hard to believe, but completely unexpectedly, I spilled the soup and watched it seep into the depths of my computer. (FYI, even if you computer has a virus, chicken soup is not the cure...sorry that was pretty awful) After being told at the first repair place that they wouldn't touch my computer because it was American (computer racism!) and a few rounds on hold with Dell America (not to be confused with Dell Japan considering neither one knows that the other exists), I finally did call the Japanese branch of Dell. Where they speak no English. At this point, I'm not even sure Dell Japan knows that America exists. Long story short, now I know how to say, "There's nothing we can do, but we are so extremely incredibly sorry that we wish we could dismantle all of our own computers and build you a new one but unfortunately we can't because you are American" in Japanese.

2. try to get a Chinese visa

I admit that even though I live in Tokyo and am all about learning Japanese, I prefer to use English when it comes to the really important stuff. So last week I went to the Chinese embassy to see about applying for a tourist visa to visit a friend in Shanghai. Turns out that the embassy is only open from 9am to noon a few days a week. Really. I don't know if its because they're lazy or paranoid, but there is virtually no way to get into the embassy because it is NEVER open. I, of course, had to learn this the hard way. I went up the guard at the gate and asked in English if he spoke English. He made it clear that he didn't by staring blankly at me. I asked him in Japanese if he spoke any Japanese. Finally he responded haltingly with, "A bit." Great, talking to someone in Japanese is a possible although not preferred method of communication, and there's no way we're doing this in Chinese. So I slooooowly ask in Japanese when the embassy is going to be open and all he can do is respond with, "It isn't! It isn't!" I tell him that I know it isn't, and ask if he knows when it is, to which he responds, "After 6:00 tonight." Right. Makes sense. It isn't open now, at 11am, but it will be tonight after six. Awesome.

3. get sick

I haven't done this one, but I hear it is possibly the most effective (yet by no means good) way to learn Japanese. Here's hoping I never find out....


In other news, I happened upon a post of Kate's from the first time I went to Japan. Sad that I am referred to simply as "a girl I live with" instead of, oh I don't know, "my roommate" but whatever. Either way, ahhh the memories.....