Tokyo Disney: Truly the Happiest Place on Earth

I FINALLY had the opportunity to visit Tokyo DisneySea last week, no thanks to my co-workers (but that's a story for another day). After growing up 20 minutes from Disneyland in California, I can't remember a time when I went to a Disney theme park and didn't instantly know where to go and what to see. At DisneySea, I walked in and was instantly lost. It was kind of nice. So after seeing Disney from a fresh perspective, and a Japanese one at that, I stumbled upon the top secret Disney formula for designing an attraction. All you need are four key elements:

1. Think of some insane place to visit (ie. a pirate cave, outer space, the depth of the ocean, an old mine shaft, the center of the Earth...)
2. Treat it as if it is a totally normal place to be visiting (ala Star Tours)
3. Normal, that is, until SOMETHING GOES HORRIBLY WRONG (the pirates get rowdy, the train runs away, Briar Rabbit gets captured, attacks, alarms, flashing red lights galore)
4. And finally of course, the narrow escape (whew, that was a close one!)

There you have it, the perfect ride. Who said Americans don't love conflict? We genuinely do. If there's no problem, we are not happy. That may go miles in explaining our foreign policy at the moment, but maybe that's just me. Case in point.... At DisneySea there is a show out on the central lake of the park. This show consists of music and dancing and assorted Disney characters aboard various sea craft. You've got your schooners and ships, even jet skis. There are kites and flags--all sorts of visual props of course. And then...we'll that's it actually. Eventually the music dies down, the boats sail off and everybody wanders away. Soooooooooo incredibly anticlimatic. I was completly unsatisfied. Contrast this with the show at Disneyland in California, "Fantasmic". In that show, Mickey Mouse is having a dream, as mice tend to do, no big deal really, completely normal. Until, oh no, SOMETHING GOES HORRIBLY WRONG! A witch has infiltrated the dream and scary, scary things start happening. Smoke, strobe lights and yes, CONFLICT. Enough conflict that a narrow escape seems almost impossible, but nonetheless is achieved. How does that mouse do it? Now that's the stuff dreams are made of.

So there you have it, Disney Exposed. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go work on my idea for a new ride involving a fireworks factory and panda bears. Panda bears with a penchant for playing with matches, that is.....

Mary Had a Little Lamb (Candy)

I came to Japan for new experiences of course. One of those new experiences involves trying new foods, but beyond that, new flavors. Not only do they have ice cream here, they have red bean ice cream. Not only do they have frappaccinos here, they have green tea frappuccinos. Melon and mango are also big flavors that aren't so prevalent in the States, but so far I haven't found anything to be scared of...well, until a few weeks ago. I'd like to think that I have the courage to try anything once (yes, I have been to a public bath house and it is not awful) so when the manager at my school offered me a piece of "traditional Japanese candy" (which I no longer believe to be true), I figured I'd give it a chance. The other thing that it had going for it is that it was made in Hokkaido. (Interesting culture note: Things from Hokkaido are automatically thought of to be quality. "Made in Hokkaido" is a major selling point for just about any food item in Japan. Hokkaido melons can go for $200 a pop in Ginza.) So he hands me this candy which at first glance looks exactly like a Starburst. Same size, same consistency, same wrapping. Except that it was brown. I don't know what kind of fruit is brown, but how bad could it be? As soon as I put it in my mouth, he starts laughing. BAD SIGN. Bad bad bad bad bad bad sign. This is decidedly worse than the time I ate sea urchin gonads. Read: WORSE than sea urchin gonads.... So it turns out it was lamb flavored candy. Grilled lamb to be exact. They put that into candy. They put grilled lamb into tiny bite sized cubes and called it candy. Ew ew ew ew ew. Meat candy. Meat does NOT belong anywhere near candy. I realize I am American and therefore am stereotyped into my preference of extremely sweet things, but candy is supposed to be extremely sweet! It's allowed! Not just allowed, required! If you want lamb as a snack product, put it into jerky. Don't make it look like candy!

Update: This guy doesn't like them either.